knowing you can always count on me…
That’s what friends are foooooooooooorrrrrrrrr!
As 2013 winds down, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on things.
What went great. What didn’t.
Everything in between.
This year was a particularly difficult one, and through that difficulty, I was shown exactly what I meant to people. And I showed too much of what they meant to me.
Admittedly, I had a difficult time grasping, or rather, believing that I had the right to be upset and feel a particular way when I felt the way that I did. As in, my friends, when I absolutely needed them at my worst, did not want commit to their plea of “I’ll be there for anything you need. Just call me.”
I don’t ask for much in friendships, except for to be treated with the same love, care, commitment, faithfulness, truth, and dedication that I provide.
Maybe I’m spoiled because I have sisters.
Then, I thought maybe I was unable to handle the growing pains. And that is part of it, I admit. Being in a dead-end job while everyone else is (or appears to be) flourishing, friends getting married, being disrespected by their newly SO, being ditched for shiny, newer friends, or reacquainted relationships being tainted by manipulative third (turd?) parties. Aside from those vague, yet, autobiographical examples, the growing part that is difficult to come to terms with is the fact that people have a tendency to change for the worse before changing for the better. And when they are in that quagmire of negativity, no matter how much you want to try and keep them the same, it will be a challenge, and damn near impossible, to see that they will ever be who they once were. That is something that will never be altered in human nature.
Not to be a contrarian (Chrome is telling me that term isn’t real, but I know it is. I read books), but I do believe that a person has to weather some storms before they see the sunshine. However, if you keep driving into that storm, thinking that each one will be different, then you’re going to continue getting caught in an ever strengthening tidal wave-tsunami-monsoon hybrid disaster of epic proportions. (Yes, I know all of those things are impossible to happen simultaneously, but work with me here…).
I’d like to be out of the company of people who want to be friends with me when it is convenient for them. And that is mostly due to them attempting to absolve some guilt for screwing me over.
Come 2014, I’m not allowing this to happen anymore. I can’t break my neck, sacrifice my time, for people who cannot understand, or appreciate, the little things that make up a friendship.
A simple “hello” or “I just called to say I love you” (yes, I’m naming more 80’s songs) can make a person’s day, or break it if they can’t fulfill a basic aspect.
Please, do not misconstrue the aforementioned as me being insensitive, or rather, inconsiderate to my friends lives. I think about when other people have things going on — and understand that they aren’t always able to contact me in a timely fashion. And sometimes, they just don’t want to talk. That is absolutely fine. But at least let me know that you’re alive and well. I’d hope they’d do the same for me — because I genuinely do give a shit as to whether or not they’re walking the Earth and are happy. But I honestly believe that my existence is not of any significance to them. That is, not until they need me.
But do me a favor, if I ask you to hang out, and you claim to be broke, don’t be a Dick
‘s Sporting Goods and post pictures on Facebook or Instagram two hours later dancing and drinking in a nightclub.
Also, don’t make plans with me and then dump me for a booty call with your boyfriend.
On my birthday.
At that point, do yourself a favor, and go screw yourself.